W2DR

Careful........ DEAR NEIGHBOR: Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this e-mail. I can’t live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this. The truth is that, when you’re not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, and I know that that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I’ll pay you. Regards, Richard. NEIGHBOR’S RESPONSE: Fred, feeling very angry and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard, killing him. He went back home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Fred then looked at his computer again and discovered a second e-mail from Richard. 2ND E-MAIL: Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last email. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the darned Auto-Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” Technology, huh? It’ll be the death of us all.

The first time we visited England (we're from The Colonies) I realized that you don't speak no good English over there 😄.

English is such a strange and inconsistent language... e.g., We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English: 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? 22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt. Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on. If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?

In the early '60's too. Graduation night 1960. Dancing with Sandi Lee. The Platters, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes. God, I miss her.....

Spelling, schmelling..... Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

I just used my fingers/hands Adam. I was so good that I didn't need all that "other stuff" 🙂

Beyond closing time really doesn't matter. You're either hooked-up by then or you're not. If you're not then it's all a moot point. But if you are, what really matters is what she looks like when you wake up in the morning.

You really don't need the math. Just remember that the more you drink the better she looks. And, as Mickey says, all the girls get prettier at closing time...even if you're stone sober.

You should be aware of the Beer Goggles Effect John. The "Beer Goggles" Effect: In 2002, researchers at St. Andrews University and Glasgow University in Scotland took 80 college students and had half of them drink a "moderate" amount of alcohol -- between one and four servings, depending on gender and body weight. The other half, the control group, remained sober. Scientists showed each subject pictures of people of the opposite sex. In all cases -- male and female alike -- the experimental (tipsy) group rated each picture an average of 25 percent more attractive than the sober group did. The effect can reportedly be traced to the nucleus accumbens. When you're looking at another human being, the nucleus accumbens is the area of the brain that decides how attractive that human being's face is. If you look at, say, George Clooney or Angelina Jolie, this area of your brain probably experiences increased neural firing. In other words, it's stimulated. As it turns out, alcohol, all by itself, stimulates the nucleus accumbens. So when you've have a few drinks, and you look at a face you may have judged as unattractive when you were sober, your brain, under the influence of alcohol, tells you that this face is in fact somewhat attractive. And the increase in perceived attractive seems to be directly proportional to the amount of alcohol consumed. In a more recent study, this one conducted by researchers at England's Manchester University in 2005, scientists actually came up with a mathematical formula to calculate the extent of the "beer goggle" effect on a given individual in a given situation. Their reasoning for creating this formula is that alcohol is not really the only factor affecting the drunken perception of beauty. Other factors, according to their research, include: How brightly lit the area is The observer's eye-sight quality The amount of smoke in the air The distance of the observer from the observed The formula goes like this: (An)2xd(S+1) g= ----------- L x (Vo)2 where: An is the number of servings of alcohol S is the smokiness of the area on a scale of 0 - 10 L is the lighting level of the area, measured in candelas per square meter, in which 150 is normal room lightning Vo is Snellen visual acuity, in which 6/6 is normal and 6/12 is the lower limit at which someone is able to drive d is the distance between the observer and the observed, measured in meters The formula works out a "beer goggle" score ranging from 1 to 100+. When g = 1, the observer is perceiving the same degree of beauty he or she would perceive in a sober state. At 100+, everybody in the room is a perfect 10.

I couldn't agree more Adam. I was the keyboard player in a rock band back in 1958-59. No one could have ever guessed where things were going. I'd give anything to live those days again. Here's my hero from the way back then (he plays the piano almost as good as I did 🤩).

Thanks Adam. Indeed, "music" today ain't what it used to be.

Here's my favorite Barbie.....

I'm in the United States and my picks are.....Magic Rock Unhuman Cannonball beer/Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon wine/Wilderness Trail Small Batch High Rye Bourbon Whiskey/and the best soft, by far, is Sandi Lee.

Thanks Gumby. That's about where I am also...........