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The dog food diet.....

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Yesterday I was at the grocery store buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't start again because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I was  there because I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. 

Edited by W2DR
kant spel
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About 14 years ago we got our new kitten Chessie. Chessie is an indoor cat, except he is allowed out in our very large (18 x 30 foot) screen porch. But since our previous cat, Shannon, had once busted through the screen and had gotten out, I determined to reinforce the lower screens with some heavy duty plastic netting.  An older lady saw me carrying A large roll of this stuff to the checkout, and, curiosity getting the better of her, asked me what it was for.  I told her about my new kitten, and how I wanted to reinforce the porch screens to keep the kitty from getting out.  At this point she announced, in a loud voice, to all in the store, that I "WAS BUILDING A TIGER ENCLOSURE."  



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