Can the Orbx Tech Guys top this one!?

[hendrik]

Lifted this from one of my other forum hangouts - bit of an oldie apparently. but it was new to me and rings horribly true!

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator: "Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller: "I don't know."

Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Operator: "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator: "Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!

Hendrik

PS The story goes that he got the sack. Bit harsh really!

[Wolter van der Spoel]

I'm tempted but I won't comment

[marshkop]

I will. what a dumbass

[John Dow]

FTX Guru: "Bluey O’Brien, FTX assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with FTX."

FTX Guru: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just flying along, and all of a sudden the scenery stopped."

FTX Guru: "Stopped?"

Caller: "Yeah all the textures disappeared."

FTX Guru: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Sort of blue with a line across the middle in front of this yellow bonnet."

FTX Guru: "What sort of line??"

Caller: "It's like there’s a blue half and another blue half."

FTX Guru: "Are you still in FSX, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

FTX Guru: "Can you see the instrument panel in front of you??"

Caller: "What's a ninstrmnt panoo?"

FTX Guru: "Never mind, can you see any mountains or trees?"

Caller: "There aren’t any trees or mountains or even houses."

FTX Guru: "Where did you take off from??"

Caller: "What's a takeoff?"

FTX Guru: "It's when you advance the throttles and pull back on the control column when you’re going fast enough??"

Caller: "I don't know."

FTX Guru: "When you started your flight where were you situated??"

Caller: "Ah in the air over some houses and mountains."

FTX Guru: "Well, there are. I need you to fly back there again and find the nearest airfield."

Caller: "Okay, but where’s there and how do I fly back there?"

FTX Guru: "Can you see a compass on top of your instrument panel."

Caller: "What's a ninstrmnt panoo?"

FTX Guru: "Never mind, can you see a round circle with numbers from 0 to 33? In front of you"

Caller: "I can't see one."

FTX Guru: "Uh huh. Well, can you move your viewpoint and find the round circle??"

Caller: "No."

FTX Guru: "Even if you move your hat switch around??"

Caller: "I’m not wearing a hat and I never heard of a hat switch."

FTX Guru: "Oh right so what can you see now??"

Caller: "I’ve still got the same view, just a light blue on top of a line with a darker blue but the lighter blue has got some clouds in it now and it has moved up the screen."

FTX Guru: "Moved up the screen you say?."

Caller: "Yes it’s nearly at the top now and the engine’s going really fast"

FTX Guru: "Is there a circle in the grey area with a needle going around anti-clockwise??"

Caller: "Yeah, gee it’s going fast around too, and now all I see is darker blue the light blue has gone completely and it looks like there are waves in the blue now."

FTX Guru: "Uh-huh well just hang tight and before you know it you’ll see it all go black and then you’ll start where you started last time."

FTX Guru: "You’ve been flying over the ocean no wonder you left the FTX scenery behind so how come you’re flying when I don’t think you can fly."

Caller: "This is my big brother’s computer he never lets me touch it?"

FTX Guru: "Well how come you’re on it now?"

Caller: "Shite, gotta go here he comes back, don’t tell him I did anything OK???"

Sound of thumping, yelling, crying and then the headset being picked up.

FTX Guru: "You’d be the big brother I guess; your bro was just trying to get some FTX support! "

Caller: "Bloody little mongrel, I was just descending over Sydney CBD on a nonstop flight in Ant’s Tiger from Perth, took me 29 hours and had the OZx flying club passing me fuel on the way to set this world record flight and needed to pee and now I’m back in Perth like I never left.  I’ll kill the little ah sole I swear"

Sound of more crashing, thumping, breaking glass and a thump…

[Dwho]

ROFLOL !!!!   

[stefbuik]

Oh, Yes I can(I am a support-guy myself)

--hello, How can I help You?

-Hello, eehrm..my internet just quit.(lots of noice, big diesel engine ,cracking sounds)

--Internet quit? Ehm Your PC is still working?

-Yes, it is. XP runs just fine, but i cannot get on-line again.(lots of noice, big diesel engine ,cracking sounds)

--Hmm. Do You have ADSL or Cable?

-I got ADSL(lots of noice, big diesel engine ,cracking sounds)

--Ohkay, it is a bit elementary, but we have to start somewhere. Could You check if the connector is still in your PC and your modem, and if all is still connected to the wall-outlet?

-Okay ,just a sec'

silence

silence

silence

(sounding out of breath)-Yes, the connector is stil in, and it is also still in my modem thingy.

--Okay ,that rules out a connection fault I guess. Is the modem active ?I mean, is the light under the "@" flashing quickly, and are the green lights above the network plug still flashing green?

-Oh..Have to check

silence

silence

silence

--Hello?

more silence

(sounding even more out of breath)-Nope, All lights are flashing in unison.

--Oh ,no connection at all then. (sudden shouting in the background:"You did hit WHAT with that shovel?" *expletive* WHEN? mumbling more shouting)

Uhm sorry to ask sir, but what is that ruckus in the background?

-Oh, ehm ,some municipality guys are digging a new part of the sewer system.  They accidentally cut through the land-lines in front of my house, so I am calling from a pay-phone near by...

..

..

..

..

--Eh..Sir? No land-line, means no ADSL....

-(silence..soft muttering "oh darn")Ah, I see...well then. I'll have to wait until they connected my line again I guess..

--Yes, I am afraid that is the only viable course of action.