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W2DR

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Everything posted by W2DR

  1. A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.” The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.” The deadly chase was recorded...... https://www.youtube.com/embed/DYDIwOnXNc8?rel=0 .
  2. Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like, me sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?" I asked. My "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and join something. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her. I emailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club. She replied, "Mother, are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a Membership Card and emailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a PROSTITUTE CLUB, NOT A PARACHUTE CLUB." I calmly replied, "Oh my, I think I'm in real trouble then, because I signed up for FIVE JUMPS A WEEK!!" The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted. Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be real fun. Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer" Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.
  3. What a great bunch of questions. 1. Your first pet. A dog named Prince. After my dad died he was my best friend. 2. Your first bicycle. An old pre-war something-or-other with 26" wheels. I was only seven years old and couldn't ride it. My dad put a 20" wheel on the back and then all was well. 3. Your first girlfriend. A babe named Sandi. A 5'10" strawberry blonde with big chesticles. The most beautiful woman I've ever known. 4. Your first real skill as a kid. Playing the steel guitar. My did was a wizard and taught me well. By the time I was seven I was the best around. 5. Your first hero (real or fictional). My dad. 6. Your favorite candy bar as a kid. Hershey. 7. Your best pal(s) as a kid. Lyle and Larry. We go back to Los Angeles in 1945. Larry went off to play ball for the Phillies in 1959 and Lyle joined the Marines in 1960. I haven't seen either since. Sigh..........
  4. DEAR NEIGHBOR: Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been riddled w/guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this text, & I can’t live w/myself a minute longer w/o your knowing about this. The truth is that, when you’re not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day & night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, & I know that that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can’t live w/the guilt & hope you’ll accept my sincere apology & forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage, & I’ll pay you. Regards, Richard NEIGHBOR’S RESPONSE: Fred, feeling very angry & betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, & shot Richard, killing him. He went back home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink & sat down on the sofa. Fred then looked at his phone & discovered a 2nd text message from Richard. 2ND TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the darned Auto-Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” Technology, huh? It’ll be the death of us all.
  5. It is, indeed, made in America... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Jack_(gum)
  6. Count all the ones that you actually remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Coffee shops or diners with table-side jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines on the telephone 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax (that was our hair product) 11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H green stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with a lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-in movies 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt! PS: I remember them all. I guess that's why they call me a dirty old man.
  7. Indeed, CRS (can't remember s**t) is a terrible disease............
  8. I agree with Nick. I don't want to know as it has no bearing on the enjoyment I've gotten from simming for the last 39 years. All I know is that whatever the investment is, it pales when compared to what I've spent on flying real-life aircraft and the boats I've owned .....Doug
  9. I have everything that I wanted as a teenager. Only it's 70 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation. The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it". I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
  10. I don't remember the year, but it was sometime in the early 1960's. Probably 1961 or 1962. The babe I was dating back then (and now my wife) lived in San Francisco. Many of our dates took us to The Blackhawk where we heard the greatest live jazz performances in the world. And that's where I first heard Ahmed Jamal. I'll never forget that night. R.I.P. Jamal. We miss you..........
  11. Do you need one? No. Does having one make some things easier? Yes. Mine is always turned off unless I make a call (which is almost never). I don't do text messages and I don't use my cellphone as a camera. But what do I know? I'm just an 80-something old fart who thinks that 1955 was a really great year to be alive. But you're right Rodger - we're slowly being forced to use it for more-and-more things. And that's one of the reasons (along with politics) that I'm glad I don't have long left.
  12. Or, even better, go back to P3D and enjoy it.
  13. I spend several hours each day with my friend Jack Daniels.
  14. It's been 30 years now. 30 years since I last went to The Masters with a guy named Mitch Cook. He was the Pro at my home club (The Champions Club Of Atlanta) and was Larry Mizes' tour caddy for many years. We only went there on practice days. Those were the days when USD$15 was charged for admission. Walk right up, pay the price of a ticket, and walk right in. It took a while, however, for us to get the course. There was nobody Mitch didn't know. We constantly stopped and talked to people. Mitch knew everybody... golfers, caddies, wives...and girl friends. I met more of the pros back then than I can count. Those were the days...........
  15. And, as with most other exercises, the number of reps is also important.
  16. The average heart rate for men and women during an orgasm is 140 beats per minute.
  17. Really great stuff Graeme. Thanks for posting them.........Doug
  18. I have them all on an external HDD stored as .mp4 files. Once the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that recording for personal use time-shifting was "fair use" and not copyright infringement (Sony Corp. of America v. Universal Studios - 1984) the door was opened and the DVR record-it-now-and-view-it-later era began. None of that applies to DMCA-protected content on physical media (such as DVD's or VHS tapes) but there is, as of now, no legal restriction on recording any streamed content for later viewing as long as it's strictly for personal use.
  19. Movies. The older the better. I've been at it for 42 years now and there are still a few (a lot) I don't have .
  20. Thanks Nick. Part of the problem is the use of a VPN (Virtual Private Network). I have a VPN which has connections originating in over 75 countries. I use mine to watch Formula 1 races on a British station. And there are many other reasons for using a VPN. Unfortunately the spammers use them too........Doug
  21. It's the clown that posted all that stuff about how to contact airlines. Thank God those posts are gone now. Genuine forum spam.
  22. Does anyone else agree?..............
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